Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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