Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
