remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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