hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
