i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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