I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
