Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
