I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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