i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
