You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't turn off my feet"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
