what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
