"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
