every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
