Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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