Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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