sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
