that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
