I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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