I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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