you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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