what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
tell me about the eggs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
