Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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