Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
