First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
