I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
