my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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