don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
