today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
