She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
