he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
