I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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