We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize