Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
