just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Congratulations! We have a period
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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