don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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