I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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