I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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