she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
