I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
