Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
