Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
