I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
