i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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