God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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