I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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