Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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