Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
