Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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