Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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