they need to just BURY HIM!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
