I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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