Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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