I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
