the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
